she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
