grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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