Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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