Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
