Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
