"it" just moved
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
