I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
