Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
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