are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
40s are totally the cure
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
