and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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