I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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