Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
