Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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