My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
