so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
