I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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