Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
