This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
