Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
