my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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