Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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