i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
