you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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