If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
