I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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