Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
