I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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