LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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