VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
