There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
