it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
