Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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