U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
