how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
