how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
