i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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