The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
