im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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