We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
