Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
