Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
