we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
