I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
