He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
