we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
