this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
