talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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