Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
