Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am available for nakedness
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
