i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
