I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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