Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
