A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
